I see you park out front. Expensive, midsize sedan. You're probably a successful family man, or putting on the best front you can. Either way, the kids have been left home tonight. The car is full of other successful adults in search of what passes for a good time in adult land. There will be no live music show after this, no stand-up comic routine, no bar with 2 for one drink specials and ladies drink for free until midnight. There is only the impending meal. The meal is all.
I open the door for the four of you. Of course you've made a reservation, for four people at 7:30. Your name is Mr. Xxxxxxxx. Your look is confident, but it falters as I seem to not recognize this reservation, not to understand the importance of it. I allow for a brief twist in the wind as I say "Let me check the book", knowing full-well who you are and how many are in your party. I have been waiting for you.
Right this way, big time baller, sir, as I pull out all of your chairs. I ask if sir would like to see the wine list. Of course he will! How spectacular!
Now I look into your eyes. Your lack of knowledge concerning fine wine is apparent to me. Your wine ignorance is only surpassed by your compatriots'. I look past the gentleman in the suit who drives the Mercedes SLK parked so carefully out front to the frightened man-boy inside him.
This is not your turf. You are lost, hapless. A babe in the culinary woods. The wolves of uncertainty have beset your door. This evening needs to go well, or it will all fall upon your shaky shoulders.
Fear not, man-boy, for I have your interests at heart.You came to drop bills on this meal. I will learn you in the fine arts of hors d'oeuvres and entrees. I will tell you that our soups are gluten free. I will make sure the ladies have had their fill of alcohol and dessert. I will ensure that tonight runs smoothly for you, and you will be known as the man for tonight's exploits. Do not forget what has transpired when the time for the check is upon us.
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